Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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