was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize