i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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