I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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