bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
