she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
