So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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