Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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