In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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