I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
