We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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