At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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