onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry about my life...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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