I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
