so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
