i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
