if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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