I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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