do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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