Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
