Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
