I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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