yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
