I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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