Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
