If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
