she was so not down for the gang bang
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize