He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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