# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
