new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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