Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
do nipples grow back?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
