A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
