Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
