I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
