I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
