yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
