Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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