There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
