His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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