I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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