Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
