Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
