i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize