sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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