Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
