So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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