First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
