I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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