to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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