Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
