cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
