Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
