# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize