She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
