Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
