I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
