oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
