I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
