how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
