I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize