My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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