Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
