Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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