my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize